commuting with Alistair...

So, it was back to work this morning after a lovely three day weekend. I have been pre-occupied this past week and my poor blog has been severely neglected. No worries though, I am back "on the road again"... in more ways than one;)

Each weekday, I hit the road at 8am and spend a full half hour journeying to my place of employment. My route has become so ingrained in me that I am practically on "autopilot" each day. In addition, I am often fully absorbed in listening to my "fellow passenger" and his Scottish accent. Yes, it's nice to have someone, who faithfully rides with me each morning and keeps me company. He doesn't even mind if I floss my teeth at a stoplight or pluck my brows, whereas other passengers may be annoyed. Yes, we have a pretty good system in place.

So, who might this mystery companion be? Well, I confess, I am not the only one he commutes with. Yes, in fact, he commutes with other people (but I'm sure I'm his favorite). OK, I'll keep you in suspense no longer...Alistair Begg is my morning cup of coffee. He sends me off to work each day, with a nice jolt of conviction and much to chew on. For those of you, who are not familiar with Alistair, he has a radio program called "Truth for life" and is a minister who resides in Ohio. Yes, so the "truth" is out, he commutes with me, through the air waves...and I am not really eligible for the carpool lane.

Last week, I tuned in to hear him speak of the sins which are not so evident to those around us. Yes, those nasty ones which lurk beneath the surface of even the most "prim and proper" or "devout and pious" individuals. I was on my usual autopilot that day and still awakening from my morning slumber, when it hit me. He had said a word which seemed to turn a light on in the dark recesses of my heart. Dah da duuummm (think Millionaire game show music).... JEALOUSY...and I responded with a silent...ugh. I dropped my floss, my ears perked up and I sat to attention. So not only was he going to mention one, but another, (brace yourselves)....GOSSIP. It was at this point that my internal wheels were turning and I was experiencing what we might call good ol' fashioned..."illumination". Now, it is highly unlikely that I am going to shoplift or murder someone and yet the very seeds of those sins reside in me. Jealousy, gossip (cloaked in a "prayer request") and coveting can be easily concealed from the human eye (or ear) but they are never hidden from God who alone knows he depth of each human heart. It is easy, even in Christian circles, to lessen our standard, because we measure ourselves by one another rather than by the standard of our holy God. I am completely guilty.

The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart. -1 Samuel 16:7

He said to them, "You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts. What is highly valued among men is detestable in God's sight. -Luke 16:15

I am so thankful to my "travelling companion" for not mincing words. I need the continual reminder to guard my heart and be ever mindful that my aim should not be to please men but rather be pleasing in God's sight. I know it is only in and through Christ that I can truly "please" God. My own righteousness is as filthy rags but in response to His most gracious gift, I can offer repentance and by his grace, obedience. This is a "road" I will always be travelling on. So, yes, Alistair and I will continue to commute (Lord willing)each morning, but there is a broader picture. We are all commuting, on the road ultimately heading towards our eternal home, with the one companion who is near to us, everywhere we go. No, not via the the air waves but rather His continual presence, which is inescapable.

Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me.- Psalm 139:7-10

Search me, O God, and know my heart; and know my heart; Try me and know my anxieties; And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead my in the way (on the road)everlasting. -Psalm 139:23-24

a rose among thorns...finding joy in suffering

Over the past couple weeks, there have been many reports of human suffering on a large scale...the cyclone in Myanmar and the earthquake in China, it is indeed such a reminder of how we truly are as "grass". Here one day, then gone another and have nothing we can fully rely on, except the LORD God. No, you do not have to travel to a foreign country to find those suffering (albeit so many things we experience pale in comparison) whether through physical affliction, painful circumstances, addictions or emotional/spiritual depression. I know my own heart is burdened for those I know, who are hurting and facing torrential "storms" in some form. It causes me to pause and consider how little I have really had to "suffer". Yes, I have gone without and experienced pain (haven't we all?), but it's barely a blurp on the radar.

In the past however, when I have felt pain, I have not always been assured of the compassion of my Saviour. I have often fallen into the mindset that I just need to pull myself up by my bootstraps, be dutiful and that because God may be displeased with me, for whatever reason, he lacks compassion or empathy towards me. That is so untrue! The scriptures declare over and over that not only is our God holy but he is COMPASSIONATE, FULL of MERCY and hears the cries of his children! These proclamations are especially found in the Psalms.

Psalm 34:18 "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 56:8 "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your record?"

And in Luke it reads: "but even the hairs of your head are all counted"

These verses are just a few, of the many, which describe the intimate way in which God is acquainted with his people. What comfort, to know, that He is not indifferent to our sufferings and ultimately, his grace IS sufficient.

The apostle Paul states in 2 Corinthians 12: 9,10 "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, most gladly, I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

D. Martin Lloyd Jones concisely states the following, based upon the Apostle Paul's suffering and what he came to learn as a result of his own "thorn in the flesh":

1. Conditions are always changing, therefore I must obviously not be dependent upon conditions.

2. What matters supremely and vitally is my soul and my relationship to God--that is the first thing.

3. God is concerned about me as my Father, and nothing happens to me apart from God. Even the very hairs on my head are all numbered. I must never forget that.

4. God's will and God's ways are a great mystery, but I know that whatever He wills or permits is of necessity for my good.

5. Every situation in life is the unfolding of some manifestation of God's love and goodness. Therefore my business is to look for this peculiar manifestation of God's goodness and kindness and to be prepared for surprises and blessing because 'His ways are not my ways, neither His thoughts my thoughts'. What, for example, is the great lesson that Paul learned in the matter of the thorn in the flesh? It is that: 'When I am weak, then am I strong'. Paul was taught through physical weakness this manifestation of God's grace.

6. I must regard circumstances and conditions, not in and of themselves therefore, but as a part of God's dealings with me in the work of perfecting my soul and bringing my to final perfection.

7. Whatever my conditions may be at this present moment they are only temporary, they are only passing and they can NEVER rob me of the joy and the glory that ultimately await me with Christ.

All that to say... Our dependence must be in Christ alone, and it is in Him that we can rejoice even in the midst of our pain, suffering, and difficulties etc. It is not enough just to know about Him, but necessary to know Him. Mere knowledge will not sustain you through the storm, but He must be your all in all. That is my desire, although I so often settle for bread crumbs:)

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Cor 4:16-18

Season Finale

Tonight is the season finale of "The Office" and I am so excited, yet it also signifies another "season" coming to an end...

My older brother, Corby, who has been my roommate for the past year and a half, is moving on; he's leaving me:) He is moving out this weekend, into his own place, in preparation for his bride-to-be and his two daughters. He will be getting married on June 7th. I have grown accustomed to his loud alarm clock, which can be heard from his room next to mine, jarring me early from my sweet sleep. You would think a beeping sound would be annoying, but if you haven't heard "Mike and Mike" from ESPN radio, the beeping is quite pleasant. It's SO DELIGHTFUL (cringe) to hear these dudes hash out all the major sports news at 5am!

BUT, irrespective of my brother's long, drawn out "wake-up call"...I have loved having him around. The last couple of years haven't been easy for Him, but he has risen to the occasion and been such a caring and devoted father to my nieces. I have admired him for this.


Madison and Emma have also been my roommates, but just on the weekends, which is when they stay with their dad. My favorite times have been snuggling with Emma and walking to Starbucks with Madi. Good times.


Thursday nights have been our night to watch "The Office". We have both laughed and endured Michael's (the main character of the show) awkward and crazy antics. Corby would patiently wait up for me, when I was taking dance lessons on Thursday nights, just so we could watch it together. I have also appreciated his encouragement, especially when I am trying to understand how men think (sigh), for his protective nature and looking out for my best interests. It's nice to have an older brother around.

And to all you mother's...who worry about your sons that may exhibit certain behavior's...such as: dunking their sister's head underwater until she panics, calling her names that end with "meltin' in the microwave" and making loud siren noises, like those of a dreaded TV show, which they KNOW gives their sister anxiety and nightmares. Yes, if your son does these things, there is hope for him yet. He may just turn out alright and be quite protective of his little sis'.

Disclaimer: And yes, sometimes little sisters deserve what they get...cutting up a favorite, beloved San Francisco 49er's hat, is not recommended.

So, Corby, this is it...time for you, to once again, leave the nest. And although it's hard to say goodbye... I couldn't be more proud of you and happy that you have found Jesse, with whom you can "nest" with for the rest of your life. Oh, and I guess you guys will only be five minutes away...I suppose I can stop over and visit...:)

And to brother number 4, Jonnyboy, welcome back home (he'll be taking Corby's place). BOOTCAMP awaits you...where big sis' gets to lecture you, I mean love on you...wahahahhaaaaaa!

a prayer

So, last night I read this...after some melancholy moments and... succumbing to the leftover mother's day cookies and cheesecake...argh.

Weaknesses

O Spirit of God,
Help my infirmities;
When I am pressed down with a load of sorrow,
perplexed and knowing not what to do,
slandered and persecuted,
made to feel the weight of the cross,
help me, I pray thee.
If thou seest in me
any wrong thing encouraged,
any evil desire cherished,
any delight that is not thy delight,
any habit that grieves thee,
any nest of sin in in my heart,
then grant me the kiss of thy forgiveness,
and teach my feet to walk the way of thy commandments.

Deliver me from carking care,
and make me a happy, holy person;
Help me to walk the separated life with
firm and brave step, and to wrestle successfully against weakness;
Teach me to Laud, adore, and magnify thee,
with the music of heaven,
And make me a perfume of praiseful gratitude to thee.

I do not crouch at the feet as a slave before a tyrant,
but exult before thee as a son with a father.
Give me power to live as thy child in all my actions,
and to exercise sonship by conquering self.
Preserve me from the intoxication that comes of prosperity;
Sober me when I am glad with a joy that comes
not from thee.

Lead me safely on to the eternal kingdom,
not asking whether the road be rough or smooth,
I request only to see the face of him I love,
to be content with bread to eat, with raiment to put on,
if I can be brought to thy house in peace.

-The Valley of Vision

Ode to Mother's

I always look forward to Mother's day, particularly because my mother is so dear to me. There are so many wonderful qualities I could share about my mom, but one that I particularly enjoy, is her sense of humor. It is a side of her that not all are privileged to see, but I am thankful to be in the "inner circle".



















Now, her mother is quite hilarious, a delightful storyteller and passed much of it onto my mom.

As a child, I confess I would get a little embarrassed, but now that I have "matured" I can fully appreciate my mom's humor. One incident in particular, while on a trip to the grocery store with my mom (that was our "special time"), she tossed rolls of toilet paper over the aisle...just for fun. And then there were the car rides...we had a huge old Buick station wagon and my mom insisted there were "ejector" seats, just in case we were misbehaving. She loved to screech to a halt and then burn some rubber, jerking everyone in the car around and then sped off. My friends and I would laugh so hard...it was better than an amusement park ride! And then there were the stories...Mrs. Citamacatacuchi was a regular character, sometimes my mom said she was our "real mother" and she would be coming to pick us up soon. Some were made up, some were from her childhood, but they delighted my little heart. She would tell us the story of "Ruthie", her childhood schoolmate who had polio and walked/talked funny. The other children in her class would make fun of her but my mom became her friend. I always felt such empathy for her, and along with other such stories, my mom would invoke compassion in us. Ruthie's story became symbolic of how we should and shouldn't treat others, even those that didn't fit the norm or were "different".

You know, the fondest memories of my mom, are not the times she bought me something or revolved around anything of a material nature, but rather, when she gave her heart and her time without reserve. We often didn't have alot of money, but we were not deprived. I think parents often feel guilt if they cannot give their kids everything they want, but take it as a blessing when things are tight and you must say "no". Especially in homes where the mother opts to remain home and perhaps forgo her potential income, to raise her children. My mom's continual presence was more valuable than any toy, vacation or other so called "need" that kids have today.

So, now as an adult, I get to enjoy my mom as one of my dearest friends. It amazes me, when I look at her and think..."I was inside her at one time"...this woman gave me life, nursed me, nurtured me and who still continues to give so selflessly! I laugh now too, as I find myself becoming more like her. The things I used to be embarrassed of...yes...I now do. I can't wait to have children of my own and continue the tradition of toilet paper tossing, ejector seats and Mrs. Citamacatacuchi.

I love you Mom!

training injuries

So, this week, I have not been as successful with getting to the gym and working out....Ahhhh, 5:30am has just seemed to early to get up! Well, I am determined though and I have a specific purpose for which I'm "training"...my mission...

My inspiration...














Yeah, I've been training pretty hard for this worthy cause...come rain or shine.

Well, I came home from work, ate my dinner and was determined to put my time in at the gym. I got my spiffy workout clothes on, put my hair in a pony tail and I was ready to go. I arrived at the gym, just a typical night and opted to do my first mile on the elliptical trainer. I was just getting warmed up, feeling proud of myself for getting to the gym...when IT happened. I was in deep thought and not paying close attention to various "details" around me. I headed over to the treadmills and picked an available one, in a good location, got my Ipod out and stepped on.... And THEN....unbeknownst to me, some overachiever athletic type had left the treadmill ON (wow, so thoughtful of him)!!!! So, when my foot hit the treadmill I BIFFED IT!!!!! KER PLUNK! It was one of those moments when everything seemed to go silent around me. I was so shocked that I hadn't noticed the thing was already on and moving. Thankfully, only a few people witnessed my ungraceful fall and I forged on, completing two miles, despite my "injury" (OK, merely a scrape/bruise on my shin and knee).

This brought to my memory , another such incident in my life (yes, there have been a number of them) when I was at the mall...I was turning to exit a store and ran smack dab into the display window, which was right next to the exit. I must say, that was much worse than my most recent "training injury". It was much more embarrassing!Not to mention...Rabies awareness is a much better cause than shopping.

PLEASE RAISE RABIES AWARENESS! And if you do get on a treadmill...just make sure it is not turned on and moving ;)


reader discretion advised: some sarcastic humor is used in this post. I am not really running in a race for rabies:)

testing, testing 123

So, here I am...an official "blogger". Well, I suppose I need a few more posts to truly be a "blogger". Needless to say, I was recently inspired to have a creative "outlet" by which I can write, make fun of myself, sort through thoughts and invite others to share in my musings. Now, I'm not promising anything profound, but it will be a window into the life of this pilgrim's soul . Anymore, I'm realizing that technology is an important means of staying connected. Between working and other responsibilities, it's not always feasible to sit down for a cup of coffee and just share with everyone (ahhh, we women like to share...). Oh, not just the deep theological topics but the funny and mundane aspects of life. The theme of my blog is the aspect of moving forward, even running, yes soaring at times but on the other hand, feeling like I'm just waiting around, and nothing is moving quickly. From a finite perspective, I often feel lost in a cloud with out a clear idea of how the road I'm on will twist or turn and nor do I anticipate the roadblocks I may encounter. It is a perpetual walk of faith and I confess that I don't always feel like I'm soaring. It reminds me of when I went para-sailing in Mexico...So you get into this harness with a parachute attached to you, and then holding onto a rope are pulled behind a speed boat along the shore. As an onlooker, it seems like you move along pretty rapidly and yet while "sailing" I felt suspended in the air, as if I could drop at any moment. The boat seemed to be moving so slowly, but it was actually moving at a pretty good speed. That's how I see my life, often I don't think things are moving along as quickly as I'd like or according to my plans. At one such moment, while particularly discouraged, I read Isaiah 43. I was tired of nothing materializing as I wished and this whole "waiting" process was stinkin' frustrating. The problem...well, I was looking to my own timeline, wisdom and strength...unbelief when it comes down to it. And then those words of Isaiah, "Do you not know? Have you not heard?" Marjie....hellooooo "The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of earth. He will not grow tired or weary and His understanding NO ONE can fathom..." How easily I waver in my persistence, but thankfully, our God is faithful and His plans are so much better than ours. So, I am learning to delight in waiting and hoping in the Lord. Now, that doesn't mean I have my head in the clouds all day (albeit I do have a flying nun on my blog...hopefully my humor shows through), but rather my tennis shoes on, moving forward in unfamiliar territory and trusting his providential guidance. It is in that place that I can truly soar and look forward to the day when Christ's work is completed in me.